Forgetting Each Other in Rivers and Lakes

Reading it step by step

Today “moistening each other with spit” is a touching phrase for couples or friends who stick together through hard times. But in Zhuangzi's original, the line keeps going: “Better for them to forget each other in the rivers and lakes.”

That line isn't cold at all. Let's take it in three steps.

First: look closely at the picture. The spring has dried up and the fish are stranded on land. They breathe on each other and spit on each other, desperate to keep each other alive. It's beautiful, and it's terrible. They do it because the environment has already failed. The harder they have to care for each other, the worse their situation is.

Second: what are the rivers and lakes? Back in the big water there's plenty for everyone. Each fish swims its own way and nobody has to think about anybody, because everybody is doing fine. Forgetting each other doesn't mean ingratitude. It means there's no longer anything to worry about. Think of a healthy family or a good team: everyone has enough room, and nobody has to rescue anybody every day.

Third: forget both and transform with the Dao. The second half changes the example. Yao was a sage king, Jie a tyrant. Most people are busy praising one and condemning the other. Zhuangzi says: better to forget both and return to the Dao itself. Praise and blame are like the fishes' spit on dry land, things you especially need when the surroundings have gone wrong.

That completes our second theme, the fasting of the heart. From the emptiness of fasting, to the forgetting of sitting, to today's forgetting each other: space opens inside the heart, and space opens between people. There's water for everyone to swim in.

The best relationship isn't one where you keep rescuing each other. It's one where you find bigger water together.